Turning Towards: Conflict, Differences & Intimacy
with Anup Karia & Tim Foskett
A residential workshop for gay, bi and trans men and non-binary people.
This summer residential workshop will explore how we can befriend and transform conflicts, differences and stuckness in our intimate relationships and use them to create more intimacy, connection and growth.
Whether with a friend, mother, ex-lover, work colleague or life partner…, relationships regularly throw up difficulties that can feel tiring, frustrating, overwhelming or impossible to solve. It’s a natural part of intimacy to experience this but it can be painful and disheartening .
As queer men and non-binary people, the continuing impact of homophobia, transphobia, biphobia and other oppressions also shape our relationship to conflict.
We (Anup & Tim) come from the perspective that these difficulties may contain more opportunity and wisdom than we might think, at first glance.
And that paradoxically, ‘turning towards’ them, exploring them with curiosity, sensitivity, love and play, can lead to more meaning, connection, fulfilment and authenticity for ourselves and in our relationships.
“When I am triggered, I’m triggered, and I can’t usually go to softening and hearing the other person straight away…”
“Conflict is part of my DNA, part of my life, but I never knew how to facilitate it. What I saw was a winner and a loser dynamic….”
“For me to turn towards (conflict & difference) might also mean I need to know about the part of me who turns away, and not just be against him. Because that doesn’t work….”
“Unless we are supporting ourselves to keep coming back to deal with the eruptions, the feelings and the fears (that come up in relationships) then maybe we won’t, maybe we’ll just end up living our lives a mile apart….”
“What’s needed is a facilitator at the kitchen table….”
“This idea of stepping into somebody’s else’s shoes is not just a technique, a performance, but somehow knowing that about myself - I do that too….”
“If we don’t weed the garden and sort out the rubbish then it just becomes overgrown and ugly…..”
Our venue is the beautiful Gaunts House, in Wimbourne, Dorset, set in 2000 acres of parkland, serving delicious vegetarian food, with an outside swimming pool and a long history of providing a comfortable and contemplative space for personal development.
The workshop will include individual and pair work, small and large group work, practical exercises and discussions. We will have activities in the evenings, including by the fire pit.
In this unique workshop you will have opportunities to:
- welcome and unfold your triggers and emotions and explore escalation and de-escalation patterns.
- understand a simple model of the process of conflict in relationships, and how to apply it to help resolve & transform it.
- become aware of how social rank and power dynamics show up in your relationship difficulties and how to navigate these.
- play with exploring taking ‘your’ side and all sides in conflicts and how to find a ‘third way’ rather than one side dominating.
- understand and explore the relationship dynamics between us as individuals and as a queer group in the here and now.
Tim & Anup are both queer group facilitators from different traditions, each with over 30 years experience. They first met in 1992 on a wild and whacky therapy training. Their professional paths have taken them different routes, through often similar terrain, and with several meeting points along the way. They have been dreaming this workshop, one way or another, for over three years - inspired by their growing friendship, including ‘turning towards’ differences that come up between them. Please see individual biographies here.
Booking
Accommodation is a mix of quad, twins, single rooms and camping. We have some accommodation that is accessible to people with disabilities (please email us if you need this accommodation or have questions about access).
| Accommodation | Earlybird - before 30th June | Full-Price |
| Quad Room Bed (S/B) | 595 | 645 |
| Twin Room Bed (S/B) | 645 | 695 |
| Twin En-suite/Private BR | 685 | 735 |
| Single Ensuite | 725 | 775 |
| Double Ensuite (Special offer for two people) | 1290 | 1390 |
| Camping (S/B) | 475 | 525 |
| Youth Ticket Quad Room (S/B) | 425 | 475 |
Note: Prices mentioned above are inclusive of the deposit paid through Outsavvy.
S/B = Shared Bathroom
Earlybird prices end on Sunday 30th June.
Ticket price includes accommodation, 3 delicious vegetarian meals a day, all aspects of the workshop and the facilities at Gaunts House, including the swimming pool during permitted hours. There is a bar at the venue that will be open at the end of evening sessions during our stay.
To book your place, pay your non-returnable deposit for the ticket of your choice on Outsavvy. Once you have paid your deposit we will let you know how to pay the balance for your ticket. Your balance is due by Tuesday 30th July.
Lower cost options:
Concessionary tickets: We have some concessionary tickets for people on low income. A concessionary ticket gives you £200 off the total ticket price (to benefit from the earlybird you must book your concessionary ticket before the earlybird expires on 30th June). If you would like to apply for a £200-off concession please email info@lovingmen.org with details of your financial situation.
Youth ticket: The venue has a commitment to support young people in financial need to participate at events Gaunts House and provides a discount for 18-27 year olds, which we will match. The Youth Ticket is for people between the ages 18-27 inclusive who cannot afford the standard prices. It applies only to quad room tickets. If you would like to apply for a Youth ticket please email info@lovingmen.org with details of your financial situation.
Bursary Fund: If the concessionary ticket is still too expensive for you, further support may be available from the Bursary Fund available, please see the Bursary Fund page of our website for more details.
Sold out options:
If the accommodation option you prefer is sold out you can email us to join a waiting list, as some beds may become available. This cannot be guaranteed, so we suggest you buy a deposit for one of the other accommodation options. If your preferred option becomes available we will do our best to match you.
Cancellation Terms (apply to all ticket types):
Your deposit confirms your place and choice of accommodation. It is non-refundable.
The balance of your ticket price is due by Tuesday 30th July. If your balance is paid before 30th July and you cancel before the 30th July, we will refund your balance, minus a £25 administration charge. If you cancel after 30th July, there is no refund.
Access Details:
Gaunts House is partially accessible to disabled people. All the meeting spaces, dining facilities and one ensuite bedroom are on the ground floor and are accessible to wheelchair users. Please let us know if you have access needs when you book. We will do everything we can to make it possible for you to fully join the event.
Loving Men+ welcomes gay, bi & trans men and gender non-binary people, from all walks of life who want to develop their capacity to love. We particularly encourage participation from black and ethnic minority, HIV positive and negative, young and older, trans and disabled men and non-binary people. In 2023 we added the + to our logo in recognition that trans and non-binary people have been a valued part of Loving Men+ since we began in 2003.
Loving Men+ events are personal development workshops, which are experiential in style. They can be for small, medium or large groups. Our workshops are not psychotherapy. They are not intended to replace any forms of treatment or therapy which you may be engaged in. If you are considering joining a Loving Men+ event, we recommend that you consider discussing it with any therapeutic practitioner you are working with. It’s all part of the adventure!