I remember first bursting onto the kink scene, stimulated by what was on my mind, before I had seen the first flogger lash across hungry skin or smelt the air of other curious beings eagerly scouting for something to speak to them from the stalls of kinky vendors.
Nearly all newbies are hit with the whiff of frenzy, a phenomenon that creeps up like a tequila shot double-dosed with pineapple juice. For those who survive the first taste of kink, they often find themselves disillusioned by the physical admission to pay, or they want to pay more! I found myself dancing in the middle. Too starved to be interested in the physical and too full to touch the metaphorical plate. I wanted depth, I wanted experience, I wanted something undiscoverable - I wanted the mind.
As I bowed out of public kink spaces to complete my intensive clinical training as a counsellor, the desire to come back and contribute never faded. I work with clients weekly, exploring the intersection of identity and the many parts of themselves. We bring the concept of separating trauma from enjoyment and trusting that we all eventually come to recognise our inner being. We make space for what has never been said and for the price paid for folding away boundaries rather than building an intimate relationship with them. "Whose voice is it?" I often ask in sessions.
I dance close to the lines of integrating identity into my therapeutic work and creative endeavour because I have lived experience of reshaping myself in response to parental and societal projections. "What makes a man?" I am rarely asked, if ever at all, because I just can't hear you over the loudness of intellectual ignorance. My path is not to convince others of who I am or who you are; I sense my path is to facilitate a journey towards awareness of self, and that I have chosen to do so in the world of the mind.
Kink Deep is one way I am working towards that purpose of facilitation. I often say I am more Kink than Black! A topic I welcome you to ask me about should we meet in person. At this moment, I welcome you to join me at one of the Kink Deep experiential events for a meeting of the minds as we explore curated conversations that intersect with desire, kink and identity.
Rey