Romantic Scripts is the fourth session in the Better Sex Workshop Series- informal, inclusive & non-judgemental sex ed workshops for adults involving facilitated group discussions, activities & games designed to challenge ideas, prompt curiosity, inspire reflection & generate discussion about sex & relationships.
WORKSHOP 4: Romantic Scripts
Most of us have been taught a particular script about successful, healthy romantic relationships; we should seek a partner (a soulmate, the One, our other half) to be each others’ best friend, lover, roommate, emotional & physical carer, family member, financial supporter & co-parent combined, forever. Deviating too much from this script is generally considered sad, bad &/or dysfunctional. Broadly speaking; breaking up= sad, a failure. Being single = pitiable. Having multiple partners = weird, dysfunctional, attachment issues. Cheating = bad person. Don't want kids = selfish, more attachment issues.
In this workshop we investigate this script & explore how our romantic expectations interact with the basic human needs for intimacy and autonomy and the emotional intensity balancing these contrasting needs involve- love, infatuation, jealousy, joy, fear, betrayal, anger, loneliness, shame & heartache/break- that arise when we're swiping, dating, hooking-up, fwb-ing, cheating & committing.
With a grounding in trauma & attachment theory and a non-judgemental approach to the range of relationship styles/configurations/orientations we might practise/identify with (monogamy, consensual non-monogamy, non-consensual non-monogamy, marriage, singledom, self / solo- partnership etc) this session unpacks ways to maximise authenticity & connection in our relationships, whatever form they take.
This workshop is for you if:
- You’re interested in relational norms & how these inform our expectations and behaviour in our own relationships
- You’ve ever felt confused or frustrated by the idea that romantic partnerships are the most important relationships, and should be prioritised above connections with friends, family & self
- You’ve ever felt quite mad with the intensity of your obsession for someone ( a second date, a long-term partner, someone you’ve been messaging on Hinge for 3 days)
- You’ve ever felt like you might well die if your partner ends the relationship / expresses irritation with you / fancies someone else
- You’ve ever felt utterly mystified by your friends’ / partners’ emotional intensity/ sensitivity
- You’ve ever felt claustrophobic, trapped, overwhelmed, flighty in the face of another person’s love/ desire/ attachment
- You’ve ever tried to play it cool
- You’ve experienced the infamous trajectory of many romantic relationships (from initial intensity, erotic excitement, delicious attunement towards decreased sexual charge, practical entwinement, emotional co-dependence, familiar points of conflict) & Feel Some Things about this trajectory
- There’s a tension between your relationship values/ politics ( perhaps respect for individual freedom, autonomy, privacy, value of honest communication, worthiness of authentic care-giving and empathy) and your emotional reaction / behaviour towards your partner (perhaps intense anxiety in response to that freedom/autonomy/privacy being exercised or experiencing their honest comms as threatening personal attack?)
I look forward to welcoming you into this inclusive, sex-positive and non-judgemental workshop to explore how to navigate romantic relationships freely, intimately & authentically. All identities welcome to this fun, interactive and trauma- informed space, facilitated by an experienced sex and relationships educator.
What is the romantic script? What does it mean to be in love? How am I supposed to play it cool with all these feelings? How can I be honest if doing so would hurt my partner’s feelings & threaten the relationship?! How can I be truly myself & also meet my partner's needs & expectations of me?!
We will-
- engage in discussions, activities and personal reflection
- myth-bust common misconceptions about sexual norms, anatomy, arousal, desire and pleasure
- cultivate an atmosphere that is open-minded, kind and respectful to a variety of perspectives, sexual proclivities and ideas
- have a chill zone available throughout the workshop where anyone is welcome to retreat to if they feel uncomfortable/ overwhelmed / triggered
- have a No Questions Asked policy for anyone who leaves the workshop at any point
We won’t-
- do any sexual activity of any kind (!)
- be asked or expected to share any personal information about our own sexual experiences / desires
- assume any knowledge prior to the workshop
- expect anyone to be familiar with any specific terminology
Wanting some more info?
Check out testimonies from previous participants, FAQs or get in touch here with any questions/ concerns :)
Why?
Most of us were never provided any formal sex or relationships education. Instead we’ve done our best to learn about what sex & intimacy involve from the informal sex ed available; media, family, friends, partners, religious institutions, personal experience…
Few of us have graduated from this form of relationships & sex ed sexually & emotionally satisfied. Most of us are left to some degree hurt & frustrated, without much idea how to cultivate the intimate lives we want.
I've spent the last 12 years learning about sex & relationships. I developed these workshops as a way to share the most transformative bits of this learning to support others to navigate the complicated landscape of their sex lives and intimate relationships with greater self-awareness, insight, perspective and some solid strategies to maximise pleasure, intimacy and authenticity.
A note on Ticket types
Tickets are priced on a sliding scale, from £0-£45 (full price) with an additional option to subsidise low/no cost access by buying a ‘pay it forward’ ticket.
The full price ticket is significantly cheaper than similar training available, reflective of my own subsidy (offered from my position as someone who’s benefited from unearned resources & cultural capital myself) as well as my commitment to making these workshops accessible to everyone.
Please choose the ticket type that most accurately reflects your position & experience (you may not identify with every point- that’s OK!- go for whichever feels the most relatable).
I’m committed to ensuring the learning, healing, insight & great vibes these workshops generate remains accessible & inclusive, regardless of financial position. Therefore I try not to limit the number of low/no cost places.
This system is only sustainable insofar as everyone truly does opt for the ticket type that genuinely reflects their financial position. I trust you to choose honestly & am grateful for your support in making this accessibility workable.