Most of us have been taught a particular script about successful, healthy romantic relationships; we should seek a partner (a soulmate, the One, our other half) to be each others’ best friend, lover, roommate, emotional & physical carer, family member, financial supporter & co-parent combined, forever. Deviating too much from this script is generally considered sad, bad &/or dysfunctional. Broadly speaking; breaking up= sad, a failure. Being single = pitiable. Having multiple partners = weird, dysfunctional, attachment issues. Cheating = bad person. Don't want kids = selfish, more attachment issues.
In this workshop we investigate this script & explore how our romantic expectations interact with the basic human needs for intimacy and autonomy and the emotional intensity balancing these contrasting needs involve- love, infatuation, jealousy, joy, fear, betrayal, anger, loneliness, shame & heartache/break- that arise when we're swiping, dating, hooking-up, fwb-ing, cheating & committing.
With a grounding in trauma & attachment theory and a non-judgemental approach to the range of relationship styles/configurations/orientations we might practise/identify with (monogamy, consensual non-monogamy, non-consensual non-monogamy, marriage, singledom, self / solo- partnership etc) this session unpacks ways to maximise authenticity & connection in our relationships, whatever form they take.
This workshop is for you if:
- You’re interested in relational norms & how these inform our expectations and behaviour in our own relationships
- You’ve ever felt confused or frustrated by the idea that romantic partnerships are the most important relationships, and should be prioritised above connections with friends, family & self
- You’ve ever felt quite mad with the intensity of your obsession for someone ( a second date, a long-term partner, someone you’ve been messaging on Hinge for 3 days)
- You’ve ever felt like you might well die if your partner ends the relationship / expresses irritation with you / fancies someone else
- You’ve ever felt utterly mystified by your friends’ / partners’ emotional intensity/ sensitivity
- You’ve ever felt claustrophobic, trapped, overwhelmed, flighty in the face of another person’s love/ desire/ attachment
- You’ve ever tried to play it cool
- You’ve experienced the infamous trajectory of many romantic relationships (from initial intensity, erotic excitement, delicious attunement towards decreased sexual charge, practical entwinement, emotional co-dependence, familiar points of conflict) & Feel Some Things about this trajectory
- There’s a tension between your relationship values/ politics ( perhaps respect for individual freedom, autonomy, privacy, value of honest communication, worthiness of authentic care-giving and empathy) and your emotional reaction / behaviour towards your partner (perhaps intense anxiety in response to that freedom/autonomy/privacy being exercised or experiencing their honest comms as threatening personal attack?)
I look forward to welcoming you into this inclusive, sex-positive and non-judgemental workshop to explore how to navigate romantic relationships freely, intimately & authentically. All identities welcome to this fun, interactive and trauma- informed space, facilitated by an experienced sex and relationships educator.
What is the romantic script? What does it mean to be in love? How am I supposed to play it cool with all these feelings? How can I be honest if doing so would hurt my partner’s feelings & threaten the relationship?! How can I be truly myself & also meet my partner's needs & expectations of me?!
- For most people, it can feel intimidating/exposing to attend something like this- that’s normal! Kudos for even considering leaving your comfort zone! Feel free to reach out in advance with any questions/concerns
We will-
- engage in discussions, activities and personal reflection
- myth-bust common misconceptions about sexual norms, anatomy, arousal, desire and pleasure
- cultivate an atmosphere that is open-minded, kind and respectful to a variety of perspectives, sexual proclivities and ideas
- have a No Questions Asked policy for anyone who leaves the workshop at any point
Romantic Scripts is one of the Better Sex Workshops- informal, inclusive & non-judgemental sex ed workshops for adults involving facilitated group discussions, activities & games designed to challenge ideas, prompt curiosity, inspire reflection & generate discussion about sex & relationships.
Wanting some more info?
Check out testimonies from previous participants, FAQs or get in touch here with any questions/ concerns
Why attend a Better Sex Workshop?
Most of us were never provided any formal sex or relationships education. Instead we’ve done our best to learn about what sex & intimacy involve from the informal sex ed available; the internet, TV, films, porn, family, friends, partners, books, religious institutions, personal experience…
Few of us have graduated from this form of sex ed sexually & emotionally satisfied. Collectively, we far too often experience sex that’s formulaic, dissatisfying, dutiful, shame-ridden & performative within relationships that too frequently feel mis-attuned. Most of us are left hurt & frustrated, without much idea how to cultivate the intimate lives we want.
I've spent the last 12 years learning about sex & relationships. I developed these workshops as a way to share the most transformative bits of this learning to support others to navigate the complicated landscape of their sex lives and intimate relationships with greater self-awareness, insight, perspective and some solid strategies to maximise pleasure, intimacy and authenticity.
A note on Ticket types
Tickets are priced on a sliding scale: £0- £10- £20- £30- £45 (full price).
The full price ticket is significantly cheaper than similar training available, reflective of my own subsidy (offered from my position as someone who’s benefited from unearned resources & cultural capital myself) as well as my commitment to making these workshops accessible to everyone.
Please choose the ticket type that most accurately reflects your position & experience (you may not identify with every point- that’s OK!- go for whichever feels the most relatable).
You're entitled to a free ticket if you cannot afford any of the ticket options. This could be because you
- are unwaged (unemployed / on benefits / unpaid carer / not entitled to work in the UK) or
- Have a health condition that makes a steady income difficult / impossible or
- experience difficulty paying for rent / necessities or
- have significant debt or
- don't have access to resources from family/network or
- could not comfortably afford spending £10 on meal out / at the pub
If this is you, please don't hesitate to get in touch (feel free to write nothing except ‘other/free ticket option’) & I'll send you you're free ticket, no questions asked.
I do my best not to limit free tickets as am dedicated to ensuring these sessions are accessible & inclusive, regardless of financial position.
This system is only sustainable insofar as everyone truly does opt for the ticket type that genuinely reflects their financial position. I trust you to choose honestly & am grateful for your integrity in making this system workable.